AFTER THE STORM

Never Satisfied...

Shoot! I've been doing pretty well with my acting and modeling for the most part. I've only been going hard full time at this for about a year and some change. It seems like I'm never satisfied with my life, but that might be a good thing and what makes me keep pushing harder. I just need to learn how to appreciate every moment during my career good and bad, but it's so hard! I find that I kick myself more than I applaude myself, and that's NO GOOD! When I book a gig I feel on top of the world, and then the following week when I'm doing nothing in my career I have to resort to finding temp work to stay alive. Sometimes I don't have the strength to blog because I feel that what I have to type isn't worthy to grace your eyes. It feels like my life is often filled with big gapping holes of nothingness. This is where prayer, talking to loved ones, and being productive on my own come into play. I'm just glad that I know these things about myself, and I'm willing to work on them so I can be a healthy functioning artist, and not one who turns to drugs, sex, and alcohol to fill those BIG holes that I fill overshadow most of my days. It's hard not to go a week without breaking down and crying, but I have GOD! That's all I can really say... The bookings, pictures, red carpet walks, and the spotlight are all good for the moment... I just want to be good all of the time, and with this career I have to feed myself with a healthy lifestyle to keep myself motivated, happy, and SANE! I'm more happy than sad, but the depression just comes from out of no where, and last a few days then goes away again!... Kind of like a storm... Hmmm. Well I know one thing about storms... They don't last forever, and they are followed by a sunny day! I love me and I love the life that God has given me. I LOVE MY CAREER!!! I just need to be fufilled and satisfied, and I know that will all come in due time. Please continue to pray for me.

XOXO
~Blog Spot Girl